You Deserve It
by Veep
Summary: Sam gives away something precious to the one who earned it but her daughter doesn't understand why she did it.


You deserve it

Sam smoothed the material of her dress uniform over her hips. Jack often told her she was being irrational but it still bugged her that her hips had never been the same since having the children. She knew she was in great shape for a woman her age, the base physician told as much at each physical, but it still bugged her. She saw her son's reflection in the mirror.

"Ready, Mom?" Sam turned to face him.

"As ready as I can be." She walked over to him. She ran her hands across his shoulders, smoothing out the wrinkles. "The uniform suits you. I bet it has the girls falling all over you." Her son blushed and shrugged.

"Regulations, Mom."

"Yeah, I remember those. Is your sister ready?" Jake's face fell.

"She's in the living room." Sam nodded.

"Let's go. The car's waiting." Sam picked up her small purse and glanced around the bedroom. It already felt different and it made a chill run down her back. She closed the door as she walked out into the hall, wondering if she would be sleeping on the sofa again tonight.

"Come on Jan. We have to go." Sam held a hand out towards her daughter. The sullen teenager stalked past her mother without making contact. Sam understood Jan had to blame somebody and she figured she was the best target available. Jake locked the door to the house as his mother and sister climbed into the limousine.

The short ride was quiet. Jan stared out the window ignoring her mother and brother. Jake watched his mother finger the edge of her skirt, the only sign of her anxiety. It was a sunny morning, perfect for an outdoor ceremony. When the limo stopped Jake climbed out and held the door for his mother and sister. He took his sister's arm as Daniel stepped forward to escort his mother. Sam leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"Thank-you, Daniel."

"My pleasure, Sam." Daniel lead her across the grass to the tent. They sat in the front row. The other guests took the cue and sat also. The military chaplain stepped forward, opening his bible. His words were elegant but Sam let them escape her mind as soon as they went through her ears. Others followed him, including Daniel, Teal'c, and Jake. He had grown into a man before Sam's eyes. It's amazing what the academy can do with a boy. His voice was strong and unwavering as he spoke of his father, giving a different but just as noble a perspective on his father as Daniel and Teal'c.

Sam thought she was all cried out before the service but she surprised herself. She was thankful for the waterproof mascara that allowed her to maintain her military bearing, even through the tears, as she stood for a final salute. The shots rang through the air as the lieutenant walked up to Sam and handed her the freshly folded flag.

Sam glanced across the coffin of her recently deceased husband and spied the one other person who knew how she felt. Sarah was sobbing and wiping her face with a handkerchief. Her second husband, Mike, was standing at her elbow. Sam's eyes locked with Sarah's for the first time that day. Sam stepped away from her children and walked around the coffin. The crowd hushed and watched her every move. People shifted to the right and left to make room for Sam as she walked.

Sam stood in front of Sarah. She glanced from Sarah to the flag clutched in her arms. She extended her arms, in perfect military fashion.

"This belongs to you." The crowd strained to hear her words.

"I can't. He's your husband. You and your children should have it." Sam refused to look back at her children. She knew they wouldn't understand, not now at least.

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have had the last twenty-three years with him. He told me that the thought of getting home to you kept him alive more then once. You earned this. Thank-you for letting me share." Sarah sobbed as she accepted the flag. Sam turned and walked back to her children. Daniel held out his hand to her and hugged her. The crowd dissipated. Jan and Jake watched Sarah leaving, clutching the flag to her chest.

"Mom, why did you..." Jan didn't finish the thought as Jake touched her arm. Sam glanced at her children before allowing Daniel led her back to the limo.

"It was right. Dad would've understood."

"You're always taking her side. You weren't even here when she killed him." Jake turned on his sister. His face was red and he was barely restraining his anger.

"Don't you dare ever say that again. Mom was completely devoted to Dad, just as he was to her. None of my friends have parents even half as in love as they were. They fought hard to be together and you don't have the right to sully that. He had a massive stroke. He was brain dead. If you know Dad half as well as you claim to then you know he wouldn't have wanted to be kept alive by machines. She did what he wanted and it's tearing her apart. Don't make this harder on her because if you do you'll regret it."

"Is that a threat?" Jake put his arm out for his sister.

"Yeah, but not one I'll have to do anything about. One day you'll understand all of this and you'll regret taking it out on her."

"So all of this makes sense to you? You agree with her pulling the plug before you could get home and then giving away his flag. You agree with having him buried here instead of Arlington?"

"I don't understand it all but I trust Mom. She didn't get three stars on her shoulder for being overly emotional and making bad decisions. Trust her. Dad did." They reached the car and they both knew that was the end of their conversation. Jake let his sister get situated as he looked back at his father's grave. He was the man of the house now and he knew his mother and sister would need him, more now then ever before. He sighed as he climbed in the limo, softly closing the door. He reached out and held his mother's hand.

"When your father's chute failed during a mission, one that happened long before I met him, he sustained some serious head injuries. It took him several days to get back to our side but he decided to stay alive to get home to Sarah. I know it's hard for you both to understand this but if it hadn't been for Sarah your father wouldn't have been the man we all knew. She stood by him though some tough and dark years. There are several times when you father lived just so he could get back to her. She earned his flag. We have his memories, beautiful memories that she can't hold like we can." Sam turned her face and stared out the window, making it clear her speech was over and the kids need not respond. Jake glared at Jan who slumped back in her seat. Jake was glad she'd decided to keep her mouth shut.

The limo pulled up to the house and Jake opened the door. There were already numerous cars in the drive and down the street. Cassie could be seen leading people into the backyard. Sam stepped out of the limo and took the lead towards the house. Jake held back and kept Jan with him.

"Use this as a chance to learn more about Mom and Dad."

"What?"

"Most of the people in the backyard know them, both as military officers and as friends. Take this opportunity to find why they are both so special." Jake walked away, leaving Jan to ponder his suggestion. Jan scowled as her brother walked away. She watched military officers, wearing their dress blues, file up the drive and disappear into the back yard. Jan finally followed a group of three young males walking up the path.

"It's hard to believe it happened so fast." Jan could see the edges of the young man's brown hair sticking out from underneath his hat.

"Yeah, but you know it's what he would've wanted." The second young officer agreed with the sentiments of his friend.

"He would've rather died on the battlefield." The third gentleman, a blond Jan thought, added his thoughts.

"Yeah, probably, but at least he didn't linger and end up in some home." The first man jumped back into the conversation as they continued up the walk.

"General O'Neill never would have let that happen to him. She'd have stayed with him till the end." Jan was surprised these guys thought so highly of both her parents. She knew her Mom ran the base at Cheyenne but her Dad just went in and helped with some training every couple of weeks. These guys were way too young to have served with him. He hadn't been active since Jake was born.

Jan slipped into the backyard. She stayed near the edges of conversations, never participating just listening. The day grew into evening and the crowd left. Jan had long since gone to her room. There was a soft knock on her door. Jan knew it was her Mom so she didn't respond as the door opened.

"Want some dinner, hon?"

"No thanks."

"Whatcha doing in here?"

"Thinkin." Jan was curled up on her bed with her back to the door. Sam walked over and sat down.

"About?"

"Why didn't you wait on Jake?"

"What?" Sam's brow furrowed.

"At the hospital. Why didn't you wait and let Jake say good-bye?" Sam nodded and looked down at her hands, twisted in her lap.

"Your father participated in some highly classified operations. There are people who would have wanted to experiment on him if they had found out about his condition. Jake understands why I couldn't wait for the academy to get him back from maneuvers. He and your father made peace months ago. He'll be ok."

"It's not fair. I wasn't ready for him to..." Jan choked back a sob.

"It'll get better. It'll never be ok, but it will get better. It'll take a long time but I'll be here for you."

"Will you really?" Jan rolled over and looked at her mother. "Dad was the one who was always here. You were at work."

"Harsh but true." Jan pulled her eyes away from her mothers. "I'm going to retire. It'll take a few months to complete the paperwork and get all the necessary approvals but then I'll be here everyday." Jan sat up.

"Really?"

"You and Jake have always been the most important part of my life. I had the luxury of working so much because you had your father with you. Now that he can't be here everyday I will."

"You'll hate it."

"I couldn't hate being with you."

"I go to college in two years."

"I know." Sam smoothed Jan's hair and smiled. "Sometimes I'm amazed how fast you two have grown up. I'm very proud of you both."

"I don't want you to retire."

"But..."

"No, Mom. You love your job and Dad always said you were good at it. He wouldn't want you to quit." Sam looked at her daughter.

"What about you?"

"It's about time for me to stop acting like a baby. We can make this work, I promise." Sam smiled.

"I'll hold off a couple weeks on the paperwork and we'll see. Maybe I'll just transfer into something a little less time consuming, like teach at the academy."

"And maybe not. They need you."

"They?"

"I heard them out there today Mom. All those guys need you. They really respect you. I know you had to have earned their respect and that many people can't be wrong. What you do matters and I won't be the reason you stop." Sam's eyes teared up as she gazed at her daughter. She enveloped Jan in a fierce hug.

"You are your father's daughter. I love you." Jan put her arms around her mother.

"I love you too Mom." 


End file.
